Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The World According To CJ: Top Ten Ultimate Characters

By Cj Pulluaim
Not everyone loved the Ultimate line but ‘Ultimate X-men’ is where I started and where I fell in love with comic serials, excluding my Archie comics and What Ifs. The ultimate line was geared toward kids like me and I fell hook, line and sinker. Looking back, I can see why many hardcore fans of these characters did not like the ultimate versions, however, there are some characters that stand out to me.

Now please keep in mind that these are the opinions of a gay comic gamer and your input, comments, opinions and responses are not only welcomed but valued and respected by me. So here goes.


10. Aunt May
Hear me out now, I love Peter’s near and dear old Aunt May but there is something about the ultimate version that makes me love her more. For one, this lady is strong and independent. After the death of her husband she works and dates. She doesn’t coddle young Spider-Man, she challenges him to be better. After he reveals his identity, she even throws him out. Aunt May does not play and I love it, for the ultimate world is tougher. She is exactly the guiding light Spider-Man needs to get through it ok.


9. Black Widow
I love her for her sheer badassrey but that occurs in the 616, as well. What merits her inclusion on this list? Well for me, I love spies who are all about the mission. The difference in the 1610 version is that her romantic dalliances, in 1610 Iron Man, did not end up halting the invasion of America she was sent there to set up. She was the reason ‘Grand Theft America’ was possible. For her dedication to the mission, she rocks!! I mean, she even murders Hawkeye’s wife and kids DAMN!!!!! Cold blooded!


8. Karma
I love the ultimate version of Karma. One of few government sanctioned mutants, she is personally tasked with guarding the president’s mind, being a mole placed on Emma Frost’s New Mutant team and taking down a government coup all on her lonesome in her awesome but fleeting time with us. Sighz!


7. Nightcrawler
The 616 Kurt is a lovable swashbuckler with a heart of gold and we all love him. The ultimate Nightcrawler, however, lived a life being tortured and forced to kill by the government. Plus, his teleportation bamfs were replaced by elaborate glittery yellow smoke that engulfed him. It even misted out of his mouth when he spoke. Being a product of weapon x, he is a badass not only with swords but guns and hand to hand combat. Now, he may be a lil unhinged, murderous and homophobic but given his life, I can see it.


6. Longshot
Another of our more happy X-men gets a treatment. Longshot here is an actual mutant and still a freedom fighter. WIN!!!! He is something of an extremist, just a tad douchy, and a master manipulator. Knowing he needed to play victim to survive the most dangerous game and to play the benevolent X-men (even playing on Colossus’s sexuality) to get out of there alive. This Longshot was somewhat of sociopath and a murderer and I love it!!! BWAHAHAHA……huh……… what do u mean the evil laugh is out……………..I’ll tell u when it’s out, now run it.


5. Harry Osborn
For a while, it seemed there would be nothing too spectacular about the 1610 version of Harry Osborn. After being used as a pawn in Ultimate six by Nick Fury, Harry’s years of hypnotherapy begin to take a huge toll as Harry begins hallucinating a second personality. This secondary personality mind fucks him into consuming a hidden cache of Oz formula and becoming the ultimate Hobgoblin.


4. Dazzler
Once described as the only good thing Bendis did on his Ultimate X-men, Ali Blaire has ditched her disco pop or even (ugh) trance music roots and become a hot pierced punk singer with pretty rainbow bright lights. How or why she even ended up at the X-mansion is never explained nor is why she continued to go on missions. But every liquor induced, devil advocate playing, trouble starting panel she was drawn in penned masterfully by the king of teen angst Brian K. Vaughn (‘Runaways’, like duh). Dazzler was a welcome addition to the roster.


3. Kitty Pryde
Kitty Pryde rocks all day, every day. The ultimate version is no exception. Kitty Pryde jumps right into X-men life, stowing away on mission with Wolvie and Cyke. She hooks up with Spider-Man and Iceman plus she ends up leading a team of X-men. ‘Nuff Said.


2. Magneto
Instead of our usual Holocaust surviving Mags, we get spoiled, indignant, self-righteous, old oil money Mags. A true rebel with a cause, he quickly cuts ties with any who get in the way of his goals. Missing are the values that are usually associated with Mags. Making him more maniacal, sadistic and ,strangely, likeable bwahahahahahaha. Huh ……… dude are you still on the evil laff…….. let it go…. It’s happening.


1. Spider-Man
He is the ultimate in all that is Marvel. Here he is king with hands in every title, along with being the best the ultimate u. has to offer. He has suffered through torture (dock ock teeth pulling), lost friends and family (Gwen Harry) but still he entertains. He made me love comics and in the end that’s all I can ask.

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